


I didn't sign up for this!

by JaydenSann278



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-20 10:27:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22182430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaydenSann278/pseuds/JaydenSann278
Summary: “How many dynamics are there?”“Five, even though most people pretend there’s only three.”“In order of populace percentage, name them.”“Beta, Gamma, Alpha, Delta, Omega.”“State the statistics of dynamic population.”“For every one Omega there are three Deltas, five Alphas, ten Gammas, and fifteen Betas.”
Relationships: Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines, Pacifica Northwest/Mabel Pines
Comments: 3
Kudos: 62





	1. Prologue I guess???

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Important Note!
> 
> This first chapter is a combination of a prologue and extension to the summary than it is the first chapter. Please do not skip over this short chapter, it explains the dynamics in a way that’s just plain difficult to integrate into the story naturally. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy this new take.
> 
> ~JS

Dipper’s met his match, with all his intellect and all the time he’s spent pouring over Grunkle Ford’s old research, he cannot, for the life of him, decide what’s more useless: fated pairs, dynamics, or health class dynamics homework. 

“This is sooooooooooooooooo boooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnngggg!!!!” Mabel groaned from across the kitchen table, the delta girl never did develop enough discipline to actually finish her homework without his intervention.

“Oh come on, we’re almost done.” I chided softly. “We just have to quiz each other on dynamics, then we’re done.”

“FFFFFFFFFiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnneeeeeeee.” she sighed, picking up her knitting once again to count a couple of stitches, multitasking. Which is fair enough, but this is an advanced class, she is his sister after all. Time to get her to focus and make it more interesting!

“Pop quiz round! Answer as many questions as you can in three minutes go!” Dipper yelled slamming his hand on the table, ready to record her answers for her.

“What?!?” she exclaimed. ‘She’s off guard, quick! Now’s the time to strike!’ he thought, having always enjoyed seeing his sister’s intelligence, it always has rivaled his own.

“How many dynamics are there?”

“Five, even though most people pretend there’s only three.”

“In order of populace percentage, name them.”

“Beta, Gamma, Alpha, Delta, Omega.”

“State the statistics of dynamic population.”

“For every one Omega there are three Deltas, five Alphas, ten Gammas, and fifteen Betas.”

“Summerize a Beta.”

“Beta’s make up most of the population. As the only dynamic that cannot bear children of any dynamics unless female and experience no form of heat, they set the standard of living and make up most of the workforce and middle class.”

“Summerize a Gamma.”

“Gammas are often mistaken for Betas until they experience their first heat, as they are identical in nearly every way. Only the female Gammas can bear children much like Betas, but all Gammas go through a short period of heat every four months that lasts the length of a weekend.”

“An Alpha?”

“Alphas are often the leaders of civilization as they possess the admiration and respect of all other dynamics, along with the unique ability to impregnate males of other dynamics no matter their own gender as they do not have wombs, only the ability to knot others. They usually represent peak physical condition and intelligence in most social circles.”

“Delta?”

“Deltas make the most out of everything, often mistaken for Omegas due to their docile demeanor and tendency to avoid confrontation they are usually never corrected on their dynamic until their late sixties after menopause has set in as they experience it far different than Omegas.”

“Omegas.”

“Omegas are the rarest dynamic to come across making them appealing in an exotic way to other dynamics. They possess the unique ability to bear children from any other dynamic regardless of their gender and are the only dynamic to experience a “mating season” during which they go through a period of heat multiple times lasting several days each. The mating season can last anywhere between 4 to 6 months, the pheromones produced during this time are often described as “being drugged”.”

“Yeesh, could they use worse words for any of those?” he asked in sarcastic exasperation, well aware that they very well could since they used to.

“Later, I thought we were doing a speed round! Give me a hard one!” Mabel challenged. Oh, Dipper saw that glint of mischief in her eyes. It’s on.

“Female to male percentage of Betas.”

“43 to 57.”

“Gammas?”

“63 to 37.”

“Alphas.”

“23 to 77. Deltas are 29 to 71 and Omegas at 87 to 13. Harder!” she demanded, determined to have some fun with her brother at his expense.

“Recite the fable of fated mates from memory.”

“There’s no way that’s part of the homework.” Mabel deadpanned. “But I accept!” she grinned.

“In the beginning, when dynamics were first finding their place among the dwindling populace, they were seen as less than human. Beastial and inhuman, those that were left decided they were more animal than human and like actual animals could not feel complex emotions. So the universe decided the era of dynamics would begin with true love. An alpha and a beta, natural scents altered to mirror each others when they came of age on opposite sides of the war against dynamics. But when they met each other on the battlefield, breathing hard having been fighting for a cause greater than themselves, they could smell each other on a higher level than they thought possible. They could smell each other’s entire lives, where they were born, how they scraped their knee when they learned to ride a bike, and what they went through to end up on the side of the war they were on. It was love at first sight and against all odds they went on to end the war and all wars like over the next century.”

“Which is not at all accurate to what happened…” Dipper started only to glance at his dear sister’s disapproving face. “But who cares? It’s hollywood and you’ve finished your homework!” Dipper pretended that Mabel’s rendition of the tale didn’t depress him, after all, he never told her that their late Grunkle Stanford Pines had proved that fated mates existed and could be found. For Dipper did the selfish thing and had discovered the research and looked for his, and he has wished everyday since he never did. So he did the only logical thing, he burned it.


	2. Who else did their hw during other classes at school?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the story begin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any other authors here think the hardest part of a story is chapter 1? No? Just me? Okay... then.
> 
> So quick shout out to PresidentGuppy and her work "Neurotoxin", great fic and wonderful reference for flirting during this chapter.
> 
> ~JS

Bill Cipher couldn’t understand what he was looking at.

“Strange!” he called without moving his eyes from the desktop screen, almost scared to look away. Sixer hates him, hates him with a vile passion that just can’t be faked or glossed over. Hates him with an opposing magnetic force to his very existence. Hates him so much that when Bill said “I love you.” Sixer told him he was prepared to serve the jail time he would be sentenced for murdering him in cold blood. There’s absolutely no way Sixer would reach out to his company to sell his research.

“Yes, Cipher?” Tad was finally in his office.

“Is this some kind of sick joke, you fuck?” he asked flabbergasted, making sure to hide how not funny he didn’t find this to be if it was a joke. If he did react in true, Strange would be terrified, everything was a joke to Bill Cipher. He was the alpha of all alphas for fucks sakes!

“No sir,” the other alpha responded in kind, Choosing words carefully, knowing that although Cipher prides himself on the amount of control he has over himself he’s still the most bloodthirsty man Strange has ever met. And Strange’s family is the head of the Russian mafia. “IT forwarded that email a week ago, had it verified and that is indeed from Dr. Pines. I thought it… odd considering your former working relations together so I thought best to present you with this puzzle despite it being well below your pay grade and something you really shouldn’t be wasting your time on.”

Waste of the Company Director’s time or not, Bill wasn’t unaware that Strange was just trying to avoid getting on his bad side, smartly referring this predicament as a puzzle for Bill does love a challenge of any kind. Tad Strange really was a smart man to know how to choose his words around the enigma of a man that was Bill Cipher, for after a moment of ponder his face broke out into an evil piano toothed grin, delighted for reasons impossible to fully know no matter how well one knows the smiling man.

“If Sixer’s ready to play with the big boys, then who am I to deny him…?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dipper Pines needed to eat his f-ing lunch… according to his sister, Mabel. Twin-telepathy apparently told her he was skipping lunch again today to go to the school library, judging by the passive aggressive text message on his phone screen. But if you asked Dipper Pines what he needed he’d simply quote one of his favorite movies, National Treasure.

“One step down from crazy, what do you get? Obsessed? Passionate.”

And someone passionate is exactly what he needed, (he easily covered the obsessed part on his own) Great Uncle Ford’s death wasn’t unexpected but it was unwelcome. So when Grunkle Ford’s will said he left all his research and equipment to Dipper, he knew what he was supposed to do even if they never talked about it. They weren’t as close as he’d hoped to get, Dipper only knowing him for about two years, but he was Ford’s official protege, which meant it was now his job to pick up where he left off on all of his projects.

“Someone dedicated… with experience… and preferably not too bright…” He sighed to himself and rubbed his strained eyes. He had to get to Seattle with Grunkle Ford’s journal, he just had to, there’s a cult that likes to meet under the city and with Grunkle Ford gone someone has to sabotage them from bringing about the end of the world every once in a while. They usually aren’t a threat until some significant astrological event occurs but there’s a meteor shower scheduled to go right over downtown Seattle at the beginning of July and Dipper’s okay with this being a false alarm if it means he gets to do recon on this group before something serious happens.

“T.V. and cartoons make it seem like physically fit people willing to risk their lives for someone they don’t know pop out of the ground every spring and autumn…” he grumbled, shutting down the library computer to get to his next class, social histories. What were they doing in that class today? Oh, right…

Today is “Debate Day”. 

The last project before exams and 30% of their final grade. Dipper lucked out on having to pair up with a classmate and choose one of “today’s issues” to report on and then argue about with his peers. Having always been a bright kid and easy to teach, Dipper naturally excelled in his studies in school through his entire life. The only reason he doesn’t graduate early is his sister, but that’s not the point, the point is that Dipper’s project was to verify everyone else’s research and be a neutral fact checker during the debate. This was usually Mr. Carrie’s role but he recognized that whoever Dipper ended up with would destroy their opponent, making the debate unbalanced and unfair, so Dipper gets to spend the next hour and a half listening to his peers bicker over topics they couldn't have possibly properly educated themselves on.

*Ping!*

Mabel~XDXO: Did u eat ur lunch bro-bro?

It was just when Mabel sent that text did the bell ring, he wasn’t sure what to text back so he didn’t and just went to his locker instead, he was the type to carry his entire locker so he had to swap out his notes on hiring a bodyguard for his class notes.

The hallway was noisy, crowded, and full of people who just couldn’t understand that they were blocking the entire pathway as usual but that didn’t mean he didn’t hear his phone ping again. Mentally noting to check his texts after getting to his locker, Dipper continued to push through the crowd, aiming for betas and gammas to be the people he unavoidably bumps into. It has always been a blessing that his locker is relatively close to the library, the only time it wasn’t was before Dipper expounded on an abandoned invention of Ford’s. The hallway used to reek of B.O., various scents of horny dynamics, and everything everyone used to try and cover their natural scents with. A cesspool of Axe Body Spray and cheap perfume made it hard to breathe until Dipper finished Ford’s Scent Diluter, makes it so you retain your ability to breathe through your nose without smelling anything. Ford never completed it because long term side effects took away the sense of smell entirely, but Dipper found a substitute to one of the active ingredients making it safer to use.

His locker was one of the half lockers on the floor, number 574. Oh, how he wished he could wear his hat during school, at least his head would be protected from the locker above his that’s gouged a hole in the top of his head.

‘Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll graduate next year without a bald spot…’ he thought bitterly, tossing his backpack back into the locker after taking out all his textbooks and spiral bounds. He prefered composition but the triple subject five stars were okay too.

Mabel~XDXO: U no ill find out if u didnt eat ur lunch when i go 2 pay 4 mine

Dipper chose not to respond and instead climb the stairs to the next floor, taking an immediate left. Walking into the first classroom on the left he saw that the desks were arranged differently, instead of all of them facing the whiteboard they were perfectly divided into two facing each other with a large amount of empty space between the sides. Mr. Carrie stood next to his own at the back centered in the empty space, a single desk + chair permanently attached to each other in front of it with a laptop hooked up to the projector sat on top, this must be where Dipper’s supposed to sit today.

“Mr. Pines, go ahead and park it here, you have a list of articles to pull up right there, okay?” Mr. Carrie clarified whilst going over some papers on his desk.

“Yessir,” Dipper mumbled as he settled in and dumped his books under his chair. First things first, web browser with 16 tabs open to the various conversation topics of today and a 17th tab for his email, well, technically it’s Ford’s email, just in case he gets a buyer to replace the funding that stopped after Grunkle Ford died.

History of pack roles, dynamic prejudices, gammas vs omegas: the difference, fated mates: myth or mystery?, War: Our fight or our fault?, the science of making babies…

What the hell are these article titles? Good gosh, these are where his peers got their information from? Today is going to be a long day…

“Alright everyone, settle in and lets get started!” Mr. Carrie announced as the bell rang again. “Miss Peterson, Mr Simmons, you two are first.”

*Ping!*

Nope.

“Good afternoon, my peers!”

Double nope. The article sheet says Connie and Stephanie did their report on the confusion around omegas, a topic two betas area C students at best. 

“Throughout history Omegas have been the submissive dynamic to every other dynamic, they are our mothers, our teachers, and our lovers.” If Dipper ever did figure out how to successfully vomit on command he’d do it right now. He knows there’s a way, it’s just that he’s never succeeded in performing projectile vomit on command. Dipper decides to get out the homework for a class he has tomorrow and do that instead.

“Objection! Omegas were thought to be more common than they actually are till the 70’s, other dynamics out number them 33 to 1!” Not listening, focus on calculus homework, focus on the calculus homework…

“Alright, alright, calm down you two. Mr Pines?” Dipper looked back to his teacher, careful to cover the homework he was doing during class. “Could you clarify the facts in debate for us please?”

“... Connie is correct in his numbers concerning Staphanie’s statement.” he had had to physically stop himself from sighing audibly before speaking up, gag. “However both are wrong in the assumption that Omegas are submissive by nature.”

“... How do you mean that?” Mr. Carrie asked, clearly having never continued his pursuit of knowledge after college and just settling on whatever outdated bullshit was taught to him.

“Omegas were never submissive in any way besides the process of procreation. Their true nature is to challenge other dynamics to be better than they are by uprooting the natural flow of the other dynamics. So omegas would challenge alphas to physical altercations, even though they know they will lose, because it’s what’s best for the pack if no one becomes too satiated with their lives. They kept the pack alive and moving away from danger during the first ages, they kept the pack together when feuds broke out, they kept the pack constantly striving for better living conditions during the industrial era. This information is supported by the discovery that Da Vinci, Van Goh, Marie Antoinette, Socrates and Tesla were all omegas…” that bit always made Dipper feel better about his dynamic, especially after discovering that he’s not actually a beta, it was devastating in all honesty. Everyone around him thought omegas were so incapable of anything their only destiny was to be prostitutes or gold diggers, including himself. So when he found out that omegas are not the “most submissive dynamic” he was overjoyed knowing he wasn’t terrible at being what he was and was actually exactly how he was supposed to be, untamable brilliance.

“... Right… Miss peterson, Mr Simmons, I expect better from you than to assume something is true that’s never taught in a classroom.” Mr Carrie carried on, looks like Dipper caught him off guard with that, oops. It’s never really his intention to usurp his teachers or peers, it just always happens because of the first thing he learned from going through Ford’s research. Find Out For Yourself, Dipper’s new motto, for awhile it was “Trust No One” like Grunkle Ford but even Grunkle Ford can be wrong, he said so himself.

The class continued on and no one noticed the email alert on that last tab, no one except for Dipper that is, but not until after he finished his homework and suffered through two more presentations.

‘Dear Dr. Pines,

Nice to hear from you again, Sixer! What do ya say to a sit down sometime and we can talk about your future funding in detail, my treat of course.

Bill Cipher,  
Executive Director of  
Strange Laboratories’ and Pharmaceuticals

Sixer? Oh no, dipper might’ve fucked up royally. Grunkle Ford’s journals don’t mention anyone besides Fiddleford McGucket, they tended to be a bit to the point, but they do mention to never trust the one who calls him “Sixer”. This Bill Cipher must be who he was referring to, how many other people would blatantly throw his great uncle’s deformity in his face every time they addressed him? No one Dipper wants to be associated with that’s for sure.

*Ping-Ring!* *Ping-Ring!*

“Ugh, sorry Dipper, that’d be another teacher requesting to chat…” Mr. Carrie said as he leaned in to accept, which would’ve been fine if Mr. Carrie’s email was still logged on.

Cipher*/_\\*: What’s wrong Sixer? You always reply immediately to emails from me.

Dipper, making sure Mr. Carrie is not paying attention, clicked the mini chat window and switched the page back to the current article of relevance.

Ford: It seems there has been some sort of mistake, apologies for the inconvenience.

Cipher*/_\\*: Awwww don’t be that way Fordsie

Cipher*/_\\*: Lets ketchup over a cup of tea~

Is it… Is it possible he doesn’t know Stanford is dead…? It wasn’t national news or anything and he didn’t have an address book but…

Ford: Stanford Pines is dead.

Ford: You are currently speaking with the man Ford trusted to continue his research.

Cipher*/_\\*: I see and just who would that be?

Cipher*/_\\*: Not that moron Mcwhatsit correct?

Cipher*/_\\*: He’s too illiterate for your formal education.

Wow, rude. Bill cipher is exactly the type of man to give a cruel nickname to his great uncle. Time to end this conversation and clarify that Ford didn’t trust Bill Cipher so neither will he.

Ford: His nephew.

Ford: I apologize again for disrupting your afternoon

Cipher*/_\\*: Mason Pines, 16, born and raised in california

What? How does he…?

Cipher*/_\\*: Top of your class in every subject, impeccable GPA, above average iq not that iq actually means much of anything except how good you are at an iq test.

Heh, Cipher seems smart, he’d have to be in order to have been associated with Grunkle Ford and leave a lasting impression.

Cipher*/_\\*: Why the hell haven’t you graduated hs already?

Ford: Nunyabusiness

Ford: Grunkle Ford told me not to trust the man who calls him “Sixer”

Ford: So I don’t plan to.

Cipher*/_\\*: I see

Cipher*/_\\*: Shame then that the research you’re attempting to sell off won’t pay for even for a used car let alone both yours and your sister’s college tuition

Wait-- What?!? 

Ford: What do you mean?

Ford: this is ground breaking research that will change lives

Ford: how could it not be valuable?

Cipher*/_\\*: Without proper marketing thats how

Cipher*/_\\*: nothing is worth anything with the right marketing.

Cipher*/_\\*: Why do you think my company is faced by Strange instead of myself? Marketing

Cipher*/_\\*: My face is much better than his though in all literal senses

“*pft*” Ego trips and terrible personality aside, he has a point. But that’s exactly why he was reaching out to companies like Strange Laboratories and Pharmaceuticals, Dipper may be smart but he’s not an expert in everything ever. Sales and Marketing isn’t something he knows a lot about, it’s also socializing: Dipper’s Kryptonite.

Cipher*/_\\*: Sixer’s distrust for me does not stem from my work ethics or credibility

Cipher*/_\\*: Our issues came from developments in our personal lives.

Really? Then what could Cipher have done to piss off Ford so badly…?

Cipher*/_\\*: One meeting

Ciperh*/_\\*: let's have lunch, we’ll talk marketing for companies like mine and make you an offer on the research you’ve inherited

Cipher*/_\\*: I may even tell you why Sixer hates me

Cipher*/_\\*: Deal?

… Dipper isn’t too sure about this, it seems too good to be true, and if something seems too good to be true it probably is… Wonder how Cipher reacts to a challenge...

Ford: Suspect

Cipher*/_\\*: Shy~

Oh-- No! That is it!

Ford: Seattle, Washington we’ll choose a date, time and exact location some other time.

“Mr Pines, what are you doing?” Dipper logged out the email and apologized to his teacher.


End file.
